Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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