I love black thongs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
