Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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