Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
