Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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