If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
