Are we in a gay sports bar?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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