This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
