Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Your cock deserves a montage
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He did a backflip because drugs
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
