Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
