You're my little dorito
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
