Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
