Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize