She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
