We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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