with your own penis?
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
