No, you can still breathe under the balls.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize