Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You pole danced in your parka.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
