Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
