Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
