I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
