bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize