she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
