How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
