I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
