I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
