He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
