im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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