we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
is it fun? or sober?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
