Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
