I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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