Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
smell my finger.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
