I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
