I wanna bring you to show and tell
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
