Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize