take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
