Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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