just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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