Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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