i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
