Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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