Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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