just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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