You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
