You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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