I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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