I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am available for nakedness
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
