Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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