at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
