walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize