I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm having to shit out rocks
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
