is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
