it was like eating out sand paper
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
