they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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