I think my vagina is haunted
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
