Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
