and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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