I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
