Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
