Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
