This girl is more easily done than said...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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