I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
