Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm passing your future prison.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize