I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
