he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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