Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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