I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
