I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
