Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
