I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
