According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
