I am puke
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize