We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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