Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
