Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize