and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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