Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
