Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
