You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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