Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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