She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize