and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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