Your tits are I can't wait for
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
