I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize