Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
