Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
