By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
