hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
