Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
