Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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