The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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