just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
