there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
