I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it's like heaven, but drunker
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
