he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
