I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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