I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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