Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
